Tone Matters, And So Does Being an Assertive Woman in the Workplace
Dear Daughter,
There will be a day in your professional world when the stereotypes you've heard about women in the workplace ring true. The stereotypes you've denied existing, because up until this point, they haven't. Your hard work, intelligence and ability to connect with people on a real level have helped you defy the odds and rise to the top in your current position. Maybe you're the artsy type, working in a studio or at a gallery of sorts - or into cooking, and running the show at one of the best downtown restaurants in all of Cincinnati. Or maybe you're like me, an executive in the business world - where only 15% of executives in the Fortune 500 are women. Whatever you are, I know you're a great one - because if you're anything like what I dream you to be, you have drive, passion, dedication & an incredible knack for accomplishing your dreams.
In the spirit of helping you through the day you discover these stereotypes are real, though, I want to share a little insight into my day today. Today, as vice president at one of the top digital agencies in the country, I ran into a situation where my "tone" was questioned. Ask any man, and I bet their "tone" has never been questioned. But as a woman in the business world, where conflict between team members happens, your tone may be questioned by someone who disagrees with you - or feels threatened by you, or just likes his own perspectives better than yours.
In some situations, you may be called to get to ground truth and uncover the root of the issue, so that you can fix it. And I will admit, in these situations, tone matters. Whether you're a man or a woman.
To be successful navigating tough conversations, you truly need to come from a place of caring and curiosity - seeking to understand, not to reprimand. You need to speak openly, honestly and humbly. But, you also need to be strong - and confident, and determined - everything that made you a great leader to begin with. So, when faced with someone who questions this strength and misreads it for a "bad tone", be confident in yourself, forge ahead, and remember a few things.
Always trust your moral compass. You were raised by good people, in a good family - where hard work, God, and putting others before yourself trumped all else. In the business world, it is this moral compass that will help you get ahead. The moment you stop listening to your heart, and instead follow the dollars or put your ego first, is the moment you'll stop growing. In my ten years of work experience, the ONE thing I promise you can always count on is that putting others before yourself is, ironically, the key to rising to the top.
Be brave - it's easy to let the tears roll down your face when you think the world is out to get you. The world isn't out to get you - some people may be, but not the world. At these times, when you're questioning yourself and would rather cry than deal with the conflict, raise your chin, be brave - and remember this. If people bring you a gift, and you refuse to accept it, who possesses the gift? The same rings true with hate - or jealousy, or mean words, or doubt - refuse to accept the burden of those emotions, and you'll rise above them.
Be open - look for the ground truth in all circumstances, and try to find that silver lining of a lesson. In all trying circumstances, there are lessons to be learned. But if you close yourself off from the ground truth, and take a stance that's too strong and unwieldy, these lessons will fly right by, unnoticed and unappreciated. And it will take you that much longer to grow.
At the end of the day, tone is important, but strength in character - and commitment to being the best person you can be while serving others - it most important. Let this be your guide and you'll never need to doubt yourself, your intentions, your actions - or - your tone, again.
